It is hard to begin, but it is even harder to do it the second time

Hey. A quick update on my life. I have been preoccupied with nonsense things again! Been stuck with cleaning, and it has become my routine! I want to have a job already but then I got a really cool idea. Since our house is really messy and it lacks art—kitchen is bad, the laundry area—worse. I decided to have a house fixing project with a twist. I already pictured the things that need fixing. I even have a quick sketch on the area and the way I envisioned it to be.

(Here’s that sketch that I am talking about)

And welp! I do not have enough money to buy the essential things I need to do the project because I am unemployed. But will be telling my parents about this idea I have so that they can support me a little bit. I will have a tight budget on this, since my dad told me not to splurge money or invest a big amount on this house because we will be moving to our new house later this year—I think it’ll be on December. But  I am hoping that they will sponsor this mini-project because I really am so soooo excited. 

I have not told you yet but I already spent some of my money buying stuff such as

1-spray paints (Gold and Silver, but definitely gonna use the gold one for the walls!!)

2-wood stain (in mahogany. P.S. I already bought 3 1L cans if this! I hate the second one that I bought and it costs way more expensive at PHP320 —because there’s no available one na IslandPaints at handyman, HUHU. while the first one with the brand Island Paints cost only PHP100 something—I think the second can that I bought got the label wrong because it is more of a dark stain with a violet base while the mahogany one that I need has a red base. Soo hmpp.)

3-Plaster (filler for cracked walls)

4-et.al. (Some essentials such as nails, hooks, tape etc.)

And yeahh, I totally forgot to buy Grout for the tiles huhuhu. Will be going back to the hardware this week though to buy it!

I spent an estimate price of PHP 1800-2000 (I forgot the exact amount but you get the idea.) I AM USING MY OWN MONEY. HUHU but hopefully my mom will gimme a refund!! But its okay, haha. I still have a lot more to buy 😬

I have not taken a pre-makeover picture of the area but I will update with an “On-the-process pic” when I will remember, but definitely gonna post the post-makeover look. I can’t wait!

Anyway, enough with that very long introduction, the title does not feel relevant anymore with the content of this blog. What I meant about that is that due to the state of being “busy”, I felt a neglect on filling my spiritual cup. It really is hard to make a habit nowadays (because of too much chores handed to me too. Idk how to manage anymore😭, but I admit it is my fault because this should be my number one priority), but here it goes for the second one. 

Entry #2:

“The Lord their God is with them;
    the shout of the King is among them.” -Numbers 23:21

Whether we see it or not, God still watches over His people today. May we worship in gratitude and awe the One who calls us blessed.

How often do you stop to consider the daily protection God extends over you? 

It has been such a hard thing for me to find time to pray. And I feel guilty about it all the time. Last time, I thought I was really close to God because on my review days, I was always consistent with my daily devotional and I can definitely see God’s workings in my life, but today, when I got back to my hometown, all the good habits faded and all I had back are the spiteful habits such as waking up late, sleeping late, not exercising, not praying and everything. I feel so bad because of being preoccupied with chores and watching videos and movies starting midnight until the roosters speaks up to greet us good morning. I am not proud. Please help me, God. I know that God teaches me a lesson in here like how to unchain my life with these and get back to Him. Loord huhuhu. I know that God loves me no matter what and He sees everything I do, and He protects me still, despite my attitude. 😭😭

What does the knowledge that He saves you from unseen dangers mean to you?
Yeah. It really is true. I think God really protects me from stuff, even those that I can not stand. Like He gives me tasks and challenges He knows I can do. And not overdoing it to the extreme. That is why I think this challenge He gave really meant for me to have a lesson learned. My struggles, I should surrender to Him completely, because He is the mighty one. And yes, I can do everything with courage that God is on my side. So these household chores, and time management, exercising, devotional, should all work out fine and I can do it all in a day with God’s guidance. Sorry Lord. For everything 😔

The Value of Sharing

Bring what we have even when it seems insignificant.

“Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks,and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.” -John 6:11

Christ’s disciples had little use for the boy’s sparse lunch of five loaves and two fishes. But when it was surrendered, Jesus increased it and fed thousands of hungry people!

Reflection:

It really is so nice and fulfilling to be able to share with people, even little things matter. Like giving up old clothes that you seldom or do not use anymore. Might as well give it to another home where it is much needed, and useful. Other people might see it as a luxury. It really is good to do that, because sharing to other people opens up the heart. 

What have you been holding back from God?

The one that is holding me back to God is lust. Lust for the worldly things. It really is so hard for me to get back to my good habits and have my daily spiritual food when I so desire things such as being with my boyfriend, the thoughts of getting married, planning for the future, and being preoccupied with chores at home. Laziness. I have been so lazy that I do not know what things to prioritize anymore. Being stuck with household chores and watching nonsense Youtube videos and movies after being tired of cleaning. I do not have a job yet. I got a wretched sleeping habit, and I feel like a mess. I just want to be unchained of all the evil that is holding me back. 

 Why is it difficult to bring that area of your life to Him.

I got a hard time adjusting my sleeping habit when I get used to my norm. But we all know that the hard part is getting started and I am still adjusting to when I will start to wake up early, and then sleep early at night. Usually, I get really grumpy waking up when I only have 3 hours of sleep to start with. It is so tiring, and I always say that I will do it tomorrow, and then a lot of tomorrows ended with me not having any progress. It surely is difficult but I will bear with these hard things today so that I can have a productive life spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Prayer.

Most gracious God, my Lord and my Father, You are the best, and You are my redeemer, as You are my creator and the director of my life. Lord, I know that You know that it is really difficult for me. It is so difficult for me to adjust to my sleeping habits. It is really difficult for me to contain my lust for life. Thoughts such as getting married, having a job that I really want without consulting You. I wanted things as I picture it to be, when it should be You, Lord, that is the sailor of my life. I have been so stubborn to You, my Father, that I get so preoccupied with nonsense random stuff that I could not talk to You anymore. I prioritized the precious time that You gave me to watch some nonsense series and Youtube videos, where I get nothing but short-term happiness. I feel like such a mess, Oh Lord. Despite my bad behavior lately, You still have this open arms to accept me. Even though You know my mistakes, the things that I do, You still gave me a chance, because You let me speak to You and You hear me, my God, and I cannot thank You enough for being a good, good, Father to me. To your lost little child. I thank You that You continually give me food to eat, a warm home, family, and other extra things You gave just for me. I love you so much, Lord. It has been a very long time that I got to pray and talk to You and I really am missing this feeling of intimacy to You, my God. Lord, I pray that You hear my requests, Father God. I really want to land a temporary job for the mean time that I am waiting for the item for teaching. And I want it to be meaningful in Your kingdom. I do not know where exactly You will place me, Lord, but I pray, Father, that You will give me a job and I can spread the good news to those people. Also Lord, I pray that You unchain me from the evil desires that I have. I pray you give me strength as I start this day to be productive. Please sustain me Lord, for this day that I do the tasks assigned to me. I am weak, Father God. I lack sleep, but please do guide me Lord. I also pray Father, that my boyfriend will have his own dgroup by now and I pray You will save him father, as well as his family. I pray that the person my dgroup leader asked to be my boyfriend’s discipler already texted him and that he will willingly accept. Because I pray Lord, that whenever I get married, You will be the center of our relationship, because that is what’s important, Father God. That we will join You there in the eternal kingdom, and be saved and enjoy the presence of You, my Lord. With all the angels in heaven. And in the second coming of Jesus. I pray also that You will touch the hearts of my family and relatives, that I may be able to disciple them in the future. Whenever You think I am ready, Lord. Sustain me, Father. I pray that You save them also, Lord God. And help me to be a better and productive person. I always look forward, Father God, in seeing You, and telling me, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” Please unchain me from evil, Oh God. Do help me please. These all I ask for today, oh Lord God. In the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Thank you Lord, and Amen. 

2020 Life

Dear Internet,

It feels so surreal. That I already finished college, earned my license and got no job at all. I am stuck here at home doing the chores and doing some house makeover. Anyway, our house is really small but I know that there is a lot of improvement that can be made if we just get rid of clutter and old stuff we do not use anymore. But my mom, she has a hard time letting go of stuff, because for her it has got sentimental value. Might as well tell her to just keep only the memories and let go of that things. 

I wanna start to be really productive today (same thought that I got from yesterday), but I think this one is my kick-start because I got up really early to put the trash outside so that the garbage collectors can get it later.

You know, it is really hard for me to change my body clock. Sleeping at 3 or 4 am is a disaster because it feels like my day is too short, waking up in the afternoon and all I do is house cleaning and after dinner I just go to my room and watch youtube videos and series like Hannah Montana and Sabrina: The Teenage Witch (1997). 

So anyway, my life is really off, spiritually, I am a believer but I feel like I have become distant, in a way that I seldom do my devotional, and I just want it to be my habit. To have food for my spirit. 

That’s why I will have my Devotional: A Spiritual Journey Series here in my blog so that I can be alive again.